Confessions of a Sleep Deprived College Student

I've realized that, lately, when people ask me how I am, I typically respond with a shrug and say, "I'm tired." I figure, I'm in college, that's a reasonable and expected answer, right?

But how often is that actually true? Well, I can tell you, as I lie in bed at 3:00 in the morning, that it happens more often than I would like. And for someone who likes to go to bed at a reasonable hour and get plenty of sleep, it's not a fun feeling.

Sometimes, though, it's not because of lack of sleep. Sometimes, I'm just tired from life.

There are days when stress levels are high, my mood is low, and everything loses its excitement. I just trudge through the day, waiting for the moment when I can just go back to bed, sleep everything away, and wake up cheerful and hopeful again.

There are days when I'm tired of being single. When I'm tired of feeling unwanted even though I do occasionally get asked out on dates. When I'm tired of having feelings for the same person for too many years. There are days when I feel trapped by all the happy couples, and I just feel lonely.

There are days when I question God. There are days where I just lie in bed, crying, asking God for a sign that He's there by my side because I feel lost; asking Him about His plans because I just don't understand.

A lot of us have those days, I'm sure.

But you want to know the wonderful thing about all this?

Those kinds of days don't happen very often. Those kinds of days are rare in comparison to the other days.

The days where I wake up when the sun lights up my room, not to the intruding sounds of an alarm. The days where I smile at those who I pass throughout my day, occasionally throwing out a cheerful "Hi!" The days where I laugh until I can't breathe and tears are pouring out of my eyes. The days where I'm surrounded by people who love me for who I am, no strings attached. The days when I'm almost disappointed that the day is over and I have to sleep, but sigh blissfully once I finally get under the covers.

Because I love my life. I am truly content with where my life is going. I have a family who has never failed to show me how much they love and support me. I have friends who I know I will have for a lifetime. I'm learning about a profession that I continually fall in love with. I have a great job, a boss who I can truly call a friend, and co-workers who make long days fun.

You see, bad days are inevitable. They're going to happen no matter how hard you try to avoid them. But what you can control is how you come out of them. You can choose to dwell in all the bad, or you can find the silver linings in life.

These blessings are God's way of saying, "Hey, I hear you. I know you're hurting. I know you're confused and lost. I know you're wondering what I'm doing. But I'm here. I'm right here. Trust me."

From 1 Kings 19:11-13: "Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. "

Winds can tear us apart, earthquakes can shake us, fires can burn us. But if we only focus on those moments, we can't hear the gentle whisper of God's voice. Maybe God is trying to talk to you, to tell you that everything is going to be okay.

Are you listening?

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"The cacophony of our lives can turn any scene into a seeming chaos - sights and sounds begging for our attention and demanding our energy. The difference is that when God is ready to speak, few people 'let down their wings' and stand in silent stillness, waiting for the voice that matters... Sense the sacred moments that call for stillness."

Pull Over and Ask For Directions

Most people have heard the stereotypical story about the couple that is traveling, and they get lost. The wife tells the husband to pull over and ask for directions, but he's too stubborn and tries to figure out the right way on his own.

A couple of months ago, I got into my car and realized that I really needed gas. My gas meter was on the last line before "empty", and it likes to fluctuate occasionally so I wasn't really sure how much gas I actually had left. So I made my way to the nearest gas station, which happened to be at a Wal-Mart. I get there and notice all the pumps are being used. I admit that it probably wasn't the smartest idea to go to a Wal-Mart at noon on a Saturday, but I was desperate...

So instead of waiting for someone to get done, I drove to another gas station, which was in the direction that I had come from but further down the road. One pump was open. I roll into the spot, hit "Debit"... and nothing.

Frustrated, I decide to try the station even further down the street. At this station, I tried three different machines, and none would accept my card. Practically in tears at this point, I get back in my car and start it, driving back out and making my way back toward the first gas station to see if it was emptier now. That's when I notice that my gas meter chose that moment to drop down to just above "empty". My car started beeping, saying "low fuel". Panicking, I pull over into a parking lot and turn off my car. I then proceeded to just sit there and feel bad about myself for about five minutes, trying to decide what to do. At that point, I decided to call it quits before I actually had a break down. Long story short, I made it back home with just enough gas to make it to Wal-Mart the next morning.

Later that week, I went to pick up my parents from the airport after they had been gone for the week. I tell them my sad tale, and when I finish, my dad turns to me and says, "Next time that happens, go talk to an attendant and ask for help."

Yeah, that probably would have been the smart thing to do. But in my state of panic, I ignored that little voice in my head and just tried anything else I thought would work.

And lately, I got to thinking. How often do I do that? Avoid asking for help because I want to fix it myself? Because I don't want to seem like I don't know what I'm doing?

The answer is a lot.

I'm one of those people that tries everything herself before admitting defeat and asking for help. For some reason, I feel like people will look down on me. It makes me feel incompetent, not in control.

But honestly, what's wrong with that? What's wrong with imperfection? We're human. Those two words are practically synonymous. It's actually a good thing when you can admit that you need help. It's a sign of humility and courage.

A better question is: how often do I do that with God? How often in my life do I try to fix my problems on my own and forget that I have an all-powerful heavenly father who is just waiting for me to turn to Him for help? He's always there, always willing to help or just listen. But I just forget.

I am now going to borrow one of my dad's points from one of his sermons (again) because he always has good points.

There's a scene in the movie The Lion King where Rafiki comes to Simba and tries to convince him to return back to his homeland and take the throne. Simba, full of shame and guilt, refuses, saying he's no king. Rafiki then shows Simba a vision of his father Mufasa. In the vision, Mufasa tells Simba, "You've forgotten me." Simba, shocked, denies the accusation. Mufasa then reiterates: "You've forgotten who you are."

Mufasa wanted Simba to remember whose son he was, who he belonged to.

Just like God wants us to remember who we belong to. We are God's children. Children shouldn't be afraid to ask their parents for help.

Life is hard. I'm sure we've all figured that out one way or another. It's even harder when you try to go through it alone. To quote a lyric from a musical (still a theater girl at heart), "Someone is on your side. No one is alone."

Don't make the mistake of avoiding help. Sometimes just admitting that you need it can make a world of difference.

And when you're feeling lost, pull over and ask for directions. God knows the right way; He's just waiting for you to ask.

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"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."